I looked out the window behind me at Portage Avenue rooftops from the 12th floor of the Radisson Hotel, in the heart of downtown Winnipeg. It was Greg & Holly's wedding, and the view from the huge window behind me was breathtaking. I watched a storm in the distance as white gloved serving personnel attended to the guests in the room.

The clouds float by in the sky while Enya & Sade played during dinner. My own thoughts wandered as I sat looking out on the city. Week after week, wedding after wedding. Happy couples beginning their lives together.

I couldn't help but wonder about me. I've been a bachelor for a couple of years now. Am I set in my ways? Could I adjust to living with someone again? I guess it comes down to how motivated you are. How flexible you are and how well you might fit with a person.

Conversations from tables within earshot included topics like surgery, school, diets, home decorating, movies.

It suddenly dawned on me that my own reception was held here 13 years ago. eesh. (The marriage that ended 3 years ago.)

The sun broke through the clouds for a few moments in between the salad and the main course.

I thought about the institution of marriage. Always the intention is for that forever partnership, and yet half of them fail. ouch.

And where did that clinking
on glasses with cutlery
to make the couple kiss
come from?

Marriage. hmmm... What's wrong with this picture? Is it too tall an order to expect traditional romantic partnerships to be successful?

Should we be reevaluating how we look at these types of relationships?

On each table in the middle, they had placed a little sign with it. It was the word Love in 14 languages (1 for each table). Liebe. Amore. Liefde.

One school of thought suggests that it may be unnatural for most couples to stay together for long periods of time. Maybe we're just not meant for long term monogamous coupling.

Take These Broken Wings played as the main course was served.

Where did the ceremony of marriage come from originally? What was it's original intent? Is the institution of marriage outdated?

The evening went pretty much perfect. Lots of dancing, no technical problems, everyone had a great time. It was a late night... I had to wait around for the crew to come by and pick up the gear. The hotel personnel cleaned up the room while I waited. I think I finally got to bed around 4 AM.

maybe I think too much...

: )

ah, the family unit, circa late 60's ...

pop, my brother Mike, mom,
and that’s me looming in the back

Thank goodness for positive role models.
They help us to strive for good things and inspire us.

Some fathers are called dad; some- daddy; ours was pop.
He was a warm, loving, caring man who was often the calm in the eye of the storm.

I remember him taking me for pixie stix or ice cream at the confectionary down the block from city hospital in Saskatoon as a kid.

I remember him cranking up the heat in the car full blast after taking me for out door hockey practice in the freezing Saskatchewn winter mornings.

I remember him running along with me as he taught me how to ride my bike.

His support, patience and love, as a father are a big part of why I am who I am today.

Thanks pop.

: )

1) 

1)       My favorite food is pizza

2)       I was born in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan

3)       I am 6’ 1” tall

4)       My parents came over from Hungary during the revolution in the ‘50s

5)       I have had crohn’s disease

6)       I have played a large Rabbit on stage

7)       I am a DJ

8)       I enjoy good animation

9)       My birthday is June 21st (I’m a Gemini / Cancer CUSP)

10)    I was obese in Junior high school – lost a hundred pounds

11)    I have a robotic vacuum cleaner

12)    I dislike mowing the lawn

13)    I roadied for 3 bands about 25 years ago

14)    I enjoy quality chocolate

15)    I was an extra in a movie shot here called “The Arrow”

16)    Cycling is big for me during the summer

17)    I maintain approximately 10 websites

18)    I have been to South America

19)    Punctuality is important to me

20)    I am pretty open minded

21)    I live alone in a house that used to be a corner store.
No pets. No plants. Just me.

22)    I have played a crazy priest on stage

23)    I love spending time at the beach

24)    I am writing a book

25)    My personal digital assistant is never more than 30’ away from me

26)    I like trains

27)    I have been to Europe

28)    I enjoy talking about relationships

29)    My shoe size is twelve and a half

30)    I drive a 4 month old highway yellow Chevy Aveo

31)    I believe honesty and communication are important in healthy relationships

32)    My favorite boozy beverages are gin & tonic, or red wine

33)    I quit smoking cigarettes a year ago

34)    I like to play volleyball

35)    I was president of the student council in High School.
(The previous year, I had been booted out for lack of attendance)

36)    I have played the cowardly lion from The Wizard of Oz on stage

37)    I love kids

38)    I enjoy bacon and eggs (over easy)
with toast and hash browns once in a while

39)    I have been to Disneyland

40)    I won’t turn down the occasional pedicure

41)    I work as a teaching assistant in a large Winnipeg high school

42)    I kick ass in Scrabble  : :P

43)    I have a younger brother in Calgary

44)    I love psychology

45)    I have been a clown on Halloween

46)    I have a Certificate of Electrical Drafting from Red River Community College

47)    I have been a courier, taxi operator, pizza delivery driver and am very experienced behind the wheel

48)   I like to play the occasional game of mini golf

49)   I do not own a cel phone or dvd player (yet)

50)   I have played Tevia from Fiddler On The Roof on stage

51)   I was at the 1974 World's Fair in Spokane Washington

52)   I take pride in a job well done

53)   My body has no tattoos or piercings (yet)

54)   I have an older sister in Ontario

55)   I was kicked out of High School at one point due to poor attendance

56)   I am not a big fan of predictable movies

57)   I can make a pretty decent omlette

58)   Both my parents died of cancer years ago

59)   Favorite time of day to do the wild thang – morning      ; )

60)   I have cleaned carpets and sold vacuum cleaners as jobs

61)   I would rather be playing than watching sports

62)   fave quote-
“Never underestimate the power of a warm smile and a soft touch”

63)   I don’t camp anymore. Been spoiled by flush toilets, soft beds and air conditioning.

64)   I sang “All you need is Love” on stage in a high school Christmas variety show

65)   I have taught night classes on HTML, Internet Basics,
and Intro. To Digital Imaging.
I was using the internet and bbs's long before the invention of the browser.
Yes -  geek here too.

66)   I like the occasional cream soda

67)   I have a fairly high sex drive

68)   I do not buy lottery tickets

69)   I have an older sister in Budapest

70)   I am a lover, not a fighter

71)   I often remember the dreams I’ve had during the previous night

72)   Most of the time, I love learning new things

73)   I am not a big fan of typing

74)   I am pretty decent with trigonometry and algebra

75)   I like friendly, intelligent, well behaved doggies

76)   My taste in music is fairly broad – Mozart to Metallica

77)   I have 18 candles in my living room

78)   There are 22 cordless electric devices in my world

79)   I usually try to look for something positive wherever possible in all situations

80)   I was the only guy in my Home Ec. class in Jr. High.
(I ended up with an A+)

81)   I am pretty good at organizing things

82)   I don’t iron.
I have one, but it collects dust with any clothes that need ironing

83)   I have danced in a disco in Buenos Aires

84)   I am not ashamed to cry

85)   I use coupons fairly often for movies, food, mini- golf

86)   I find intelligence, compassion and creativity sexy

87)   I have never cheated on a significant other.

88)   I have been cheated on in 3 major relationships by my partner

89)   The bare shoulders of a pretty lady can drive me wild. ggggrrroooowwwwllllll      :P

90)   I have 9 email addresses

91)   Pretty much every day, I will eat a tomato at some time

92)   I have a visible scar that I believe was caused by witchcraft

93)   I have experienced enough pain in my life for many lifetimes, and know that I will likely experience more

94)   I currently have 4 jobs

95)   In group situations, I am not afraid to initiate things

96)   In my 20’s, I owned and rode a motorcycle

97)   I like the occasional frosty mug of A & W root beer

98)   Some of the nicknames I have had include ‘Sweet Pete’, ‘Petey’, ‘Petesy’ and ‘Big Pete’

99)   As a kid I idolized Tom Jones and wanted to be a Private Detective

100)    I believe that our attitude often has a great deal of influence over how successful and happy we are

101)    I also believe that often many of our perceived problems may have a lot to do with the fact that either we are under or over medicated    :P

 

 

 

For the last 10 months, I have been hoping to meet someone special. I am on about 19 dating sites, have tried to be visible and stay positive.

After a discussion last night, I believe that perhaps I should reevaluate my priorities. It's not that I'm giving up- just changing my focus. I think that it may be more beneficial to concentrate on other aspects of life.

HELP TV is a show I watch occasionally, and I phoned in a segment suggestion asking “where are some better alternative places to meet other single people?” A panel psychologist phoned me last night and suggested that it might be better to concentrate on improving myself.

In the last year or so, I’ve tried to make a conscious effort to find love, but after last night's discussion, I am considering that my energies may be better spent on improving who I am.

I think I need to get away from the notion that my life might vastly improve if it were shared with a significant other. I should focus more on enjoying the journey; continue dating and meeting people, but more for the pleasure and less for the expectation.

Part of me also suspects that I should learn to be happier alone. To enjoy independence and prepare for a more solitary journey may be more of a worthwhile, realistic goal.

One of the things the psychologist eluded to was that perhaps I could improve at being successful and self confident. In most of the areas that I thought were important, I thought I'd already improved substantially. Perhaps not enough? Maybe I need to raise the bar?

I remember how complacent I had become near the end of my marriage. I take full responsibility for my own apathy. It's too easy to just coast when you've been married for years. We get comfortable and lazy. It’s too easy to take things for granted.

I have to accept that my happiness should not rely on me being in a satisfying romantic relationship.

After the discussion last night, part of me considers a reevaluation of who I am and what is a healthy realistic expectation.

 Another part of me is tempted to justify my current methods and continue on my present path. Most of the feedback I've had from the opposite sex about me has been positive, leading me to believe that perhaps I should just carry on, and just be me, to hang in there and never give up. A voice within me shouts, “persevere – keep plugging away – that’s how you make your dreams come true”.

Relationships with others are just part of our lives, and perhaps I just need to lighten up, relax and not put so much importance on that part of us. I need to try harder to focus less on the loneliness and more on living life. At times it can seem like a mammoth task, but I can’t help wonder if  it is essential to health and happiness.

Is it a basic need for me to love and be loved? Am I dysfunctional? Is it wrong or unhealthy to want love? It's not the main focus of my life. I am not desperate. There are times when I feel lonely and empty, but is that not normal for someone in my position?

I have made an effort, with the idea that if you think positive and aggressively pursue a goal, you are likely to succeed. Perhaps in this area when one tries, it is possible to try too hard. Maybe certain goals need cannot be actively sought after.

It's funny how a conversation with a total stranger can make you start to question certain parts of you that you thought were fairly solid...

Elated? Depressed? Obsessed?
You may be suffering lovesickness

Falling in love used to be fun. Now doctors are warning that the throes of passion should be seen as a potentially fatal medical disorder.

Psychologists say that "lovesickness" is a genuine disease that needs more awareness and diagnosis.

And those little actions that are normally seen as symptoms of the first flush of love - buying presents, waiting by the phone for a call or making a bit of an effort before a date - may actually be signs of deep-rooted problems to come.

Frank Tallis, a clinical psychologist in London, examined the historical attitudes to love and mental illness, stretching back to the time of the ancient Greeks.

Before the 18th century, lovesickness had for thousands of years been accepted a recognised ailment. But for the past 200 years it has been out of favour with medical practitioners as a proper diagnosis, Dr Tallis said in a report in The Psychologist magazine.

Dr Tallis said modern research suggested that the effects of being lovesick could be described in the latest diagnostic terms.

Symptoms can include mania, such as an elevated mood and inflated self-esteem, or depression, revealing itself as tearfulness and insomnia.

Aspects of obsessive compulsive disorder can also be found in those experiencing lovesickness, such as preoccupation and obsessively checking for text messages and e-mails.

"The average clinical psychologist will not receive referral letters from GPs and psychiatrists mentioning lovesickness," Dr Tallis said. "However, careful examination of the sanitised language will reveal that lovesickness may well be the underlying problem.

"Many people are referred for help who cannot cope with the intensity of love, have been destabilised by falling in love, or who suffer on account of their love being unrequited."

A consequence of this might be a suicide attempt - dramatising the ancient contention that love can be fatal, Dr Tallis said.

"Although there is much modern research into the treatment of relationship and psychosexual problems, there is little dealing with the specific problem of lovesickness," he said.

"Perhaps now is the time for us to take it more seriously and take a lead from those ancient clinicians who diagnosed and treated it like any other complaint."

Professor Alex Gardner, a clinical psychologist in Glasgow and a member of the British Psychological Society, said doctors needed to be more aware of lovesickness as a possible diagnosis in their patients. "People can die from a broken heart," he said. "Lovesickness is probably extremely common."

What a delicious, wonderful evening.

I just returned from Dave & Barb's.
It warms the heart to occasionally reconnect with old friends...

Dave, Barb, their children Andrea and Maria, Barb's brother Rob, his partner Laurie, Wayne and I enjoyed a wonderful dinner. Afterwards, Robert Cray played on the CD in the background while we shared chocolate dipped strawberries, red wine and memories.

Dave, Wayne and I have known each other for about 30 years. We've shared a lot, so on the rare occasion that we get together these days, stories of our younger days are bound to make their appearances...

Me, Wayne & Dave

Dave pulled out this yearbook from 1982
(about 4 years after we graduated).
(I guess we had dropped by our old high school to visit.)
It was purely by chance that he came upon this picture...

lol : )


rock and roll, baby ...         rock and roll.

When I left (as they always do when they have me over for dinner), they sent me home with a big bag of leftovers.

Good times, great people...

♡  Do yo have someone in your life that you can say that to?

take the time. make it a special moment.

♥ Do you have someone in your life that says that to you?

enjoy and savor it. smile and carry it with you.

"Never underestimate the power of a warm smile and a soft touch."

Some believe that they have a soul mate somewhere on earth. Some believe that destiny will lead them to the love of their life.

I have been in love many times. I can fall in love at the drop of a hat. I have loved and lost and loved again. I am not an expert on love, relationships or the opposite sex, but I have come to believe this: To a great extent - love is a choice.

"It is our choices that show what we truly are,
far more than our abilities."
- Joanne Kathleen

As we discover the different aspects of a person, we gain or lose respect for them; we find out how we differ from them and what about them impresses you, what surprises you, disapoints you and pushes your buttons.

Men generally are more visual, while most women communicate more effectively. I have come to realize that it's not that most girls talk too much - it's just that most men feel more comfortable communicating physically than verbally. The differences between males and females never cease to amaze me... we are truly very different creatures. Men are not shallow pigs for sometimes putting such an emphasis on looks - it's just the way they are wired.

I know as man, I am vulnerable to pretty girls. It is a weakness that I am aware of and must keep that in mind when I find myself in drool mode. That's not to say I don't require more. I know that for a successful healthy relationship, both people need to have a reasonable amount of intelligence, humanity, chemistry, compatibility and reasonable communication skills, in addition to just finding each other attractive.

As we get to know someone who we are attracted to, the confidence in that person often either grows or fades. If the confidence grows, it becomes easier to allow yourself to choose to want to be with that person. You give yourself the green light to love them because of security. You reach a point where you've gotten to know enough of them to feel confident that a relationship with them would be healthy and successful.

"Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you,
 but trusting them not to"
- unknown

The big challenge can be for two people together to find those qualities with each other. We've all seen it... you like Terry, but Terry likes Pat, but Pat likes someone else and so on. Mutual attraction can be like winning the lottery.

When I get to know someone who I respect and care for deeply, I have fallen in love. I have chosen tofall in love with them through the process of sharing enough time and experiences with them to get to know enough of them, to grow to love them.

"Self-trust is the first secret of success."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Trust plays such an important part in our lives. Trust in our loved ones, trust in ourselves. Without the confidence in ones abilities and character, one often has difficulty in continuing to enjoy a reliable healthy relationship with that person.

How can you have faith in the future with a person without respect for that person's abilities and intelligence? If a someone does not have enough of the qualities that you consider important, you cannot have confidence in their reliability.

Without trust, insecurities invade and interfere. If there are too many doubts, you may be doomed to indifference. How can you really invest in a relationship with someone you may not have great respect for?

All of us have had experiences where we have trusted and been hurt. We go out on that limb and many times have ended up falling. That's the chance we take. One of the reasons we spend time trying to get to know someone is to see if they are trustworthy.

If you wanna play, ya gotta pay. There are always trade offs... we can sit at home alone and not risk getting hurt, or we can get out there and take chances in the hopes of meeting wonderful, amazing people. Sometimes we get stung, sometimes the rewards are awesome.

The world is full of wonderful, shallow, beautiful, hurtful, talented, incredible, dysfunctional, warm, jaded, creative, narrow minded, lively, fun, loving, needy, joyful people.

"Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none."
- William Shakespeare

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  MEGADETH - "Trust"
(Dave Mustaine/Marty Friedman)

Lost in a dream
Nothing is what it seems
Searching my head
For the words that you said

Tears filled my eyes
As we said our last goodbyes
The sad scene replays
Of you walking away

My body aches from mistakes
Betrayed by lust
We lied to each other so much
That in nothing we trust

Time and again
She repeats let's be friends
I smile and say yes
Another truth bends,
I must confess

I try to let go, but I know
We'll never end 'til we're dust
We lied to each other again
But I wish I could trust

My body aches from mistakes
Betrayed by lust
We lied to each other so much
That in nothing we trust

God help me please, on my knees
Betrayed by lust
We lied to each other so much
Now there's nothing we trust

How could this be happening to me
I'm lying when I say, "Trust me"
I can't believe this is true
Trust hurts
Why does trust equal suffering

Absolutely nothing we trust

I have never really enjoyed dating. The perilous process of sharing who we are with a stranger can be an awkward dance.

So you meet someone on the internet. You've read their profile, seen a picture of them and they've seen your profile & picture as well.

A few emails are exchanged and a little bit of time on the telephone is shared.

You both reach a point where you are comfortable enough to meet in real life. After braving that first meeting, you both are willing to continue to get to know each other better.

So you go for coffee, or you go for drinks... You spend time trying to get to know each other.

You start to discover some of the things you like or don’t like about one another. Both of you keep going down that path until someone reveals something that the other finds unacceptable in a partner.

How motivated are you to pursue a relationship with this person?

Comfort. Trust. Intimacy. Attraction. Repulsion. Common ground. Tolerance. Chemistry. Emotional scars. Stability. Intelligence. Strength of character.

The more time you spend with one another the more you learn.

Do they slurp when they eat soup? Are they racist? Do they swear like a truck driver? Do they snore? Are they reliable? Are they too aggressive? Are they aggressive enough? What secrets are you not revealing to each other?

The older we get the more we get to know our own likes and dislikes.
We find out who we are, what turns us on and what pushes our buttons.

Sometimes we find a few things annoying about each other, some endearing, some things alarming, some charming.

The dance continues until someone’s toes get stepped on too many times.
As we get more comfortable with each other, we trust more and reveal more.
 
Do they make you happy? Do you find them fun? Are they patient? Do they have an attitude? Do they have goals? Does your sense of humor mesh with theirs? Do they lack in self-confidence? Do they have a backbone? Are they jaded?

Different situations together reveal different parts of us. We gain or lose confidence in one another as more is discovered. We all have certain standards. Many of us have different ideas of what qualities we want our partner to have.

Acceptance. Rejection. Sparks. Honesty. Creativity. Ambition. Insecurities. Experience. Sense of adventure. Global awareness. Sensuality. Hygiene. Favorite music. Favorite foods. Favorite movies.  Cats or dogs? Coke or Pepsi? Religious beliefs... Safety or excitement? Reckless? Romantic? Passion? Warmth? Depth? Health? Disposition? Too clingy? Manners? Too cheap? Poor judgment?

More often than not, one person is more attracted than the other. It seems that we rarely travel down that road at exactly the same speed.

With the sharing of experiences we form bonds, and as more time is spent with each other you learn more about them, yourself, and how both of you are together.

Are you 'settling'? How effective are their communication skills? Are they too independent for you? Are they argumentative? What are their spending habits like? Are they bitter?

We all have our quirks. Some of us are set in our ways. Some of us are more demanding. Some people can be at a stage in their lives where they may feel desperate. Some people haven't had enough time to heal from their last relationship.

Are you meeting enough of their needs to stay together, and vice versa? How picky are you? Are you willing to commit to this one person? How much are each of you ready to compromise?

And then there is the offspring factor...!  (If there are kids involved, it can make a big difference.)

Compatibility can be a pretty tall order. The choices we make are greatly dependant on the information we have available to us.

The journey continues until the scenery is no longer appealing or the ride gets too bumpy. Some times it's a short trip, but it's rarely dull...

Sometimes I feel like most of life is all about sales. In conversations, we sell our viewpoints. In interactions with others, often appearance and attitude can go a long way in convincing each other to instill confidence in us and our views.

It's sad that often in today's society there seems to be more rewards for style than substance. It's all about the bling bling.

There is a part of me that enjoys living alone, but there is another part of me that believes the joys of life are worth sharing. Since last summer I've joined about 12 internet sites in the hopes of meeting someone special.  Every time I set up my profile, I know that I have to try and put my best foot forward without sounding arrogant. This is where I sell me. I can think of no other situation that is more pressing.  Job interviews are important, but this is where I might meet one of the most important person in the world... my partner. This is where I somehow have to sell me, but be myself.

Everyday we put on different faces for various people. The various hats we wear depend on where we are, who we are with and what we are trying to accomplish. The parent, the employee, the lover...

It's one thing to talk the talk, but can you walk the walk? I am the real deal. What you see is what you get. I don't see any point in putting on some show only to be found out somewhere down the line.

When you work with high school students, it can be easy to  notice the ones who struggle to fit in or the ones who strive to rise above the crowd.

Image can be a deal breaker. First impressions can make a huge difference. Lasting impressions can stay with us throughout our lives.

I've heard some people say that success hinges on not trying too hard when it comes to finding love. My theory is to be visible, be honest, and stay positive. There have been times when I couldn't help but wonder if the image I project might sometimes lead to disappointment. I don't mean to mislead anyone. I guess it's bound to happen once in a while... You read someone's profile and form an impression. A lot depends on how effective our communication skills might be. Sometimes we can't help but get our hopes up.

Self image can often be more positive or less positive at times depending on our perception of how effective we feel we are, how loved we feel. Our self-image can then influence our level of confidence.

I know I am special...
We all are colors in the big rainbow of life ... yet - 
I am just me.

Be yourself

Some people live in fear of being discovered. They pretend to be something other than themselves because of the possibility of rejection.

Deception only leads to problems. Without honesty, there is no reality.

There have been times in relationships when I have asked what do women want? If you are too forward, you may scare them off. If you are not forward enough, you can be perceived as boring. To some, confidence is an attractive quality; to others, it be perceived as arrogance, and become a real turn-off. It’s like walking a tightrope.

I sometimes have thought that to successfully engage someone, there is a compromise. You have to find the right mix of showing enough of the real you without scaring someone off. I have never believed in playing games with relationships, but there are times when it seems that there is a courtship dance that often ends up happening- whether you want it to or not.

Have you ever considered the possibility that the whole concept of Valentines Day may be some big greeting card company / flower delivery conglomerate conspiracy? A yearly opportunity for guilt- ridden men to buy chocolates for their partners…let the purchase ease the guilt of neglect… lol

On the eve of this, my 45th valentines day, I find myself once again alone. I remember on several previous occasions this being a reminder of my solitude. The difference this time is that I think I am more at peace with it.

I don’t think that is a bad thing. It feels like I am more independent, strong and mature in that part of my life. There is however, a part of me that hopes that this does not make it more difficult to form a healthy, successful partnership somewhere down the road.

Many of us have a number of relationships throughout our lives. Between relationships, we are single. That is where I am now - between relationships. I am currently loveless, but that does not mean that I’m not lovable.

I know that a day will come when I feel the sunshine of love again. It may be next month, next week or next year. When it visits again, I have to be accepted for who I am, and not whom I think I have to be.

As it turns out, there was a little mix up.

I was supposed to meet a lovely lady last night for the first time. We got our locations wrong, and missed each other.

We will try again tomorrow. "A walk in the park."

Wish us luck !